Venomous Vegan

A couple months ago I decided to go vegan. Because I am a female and sometimes we do really dumb things like that to make us feel like we have control over something while the rest of our lives falls to shit. 

And to be healthy...

However, I am THE WORST VEGAN THAT EVER WAS.

At first I thought I should do some research. So I went to some vegan websites to read about nutrition.

It was not easy to come by.

 

But I swore I would never become one of those self-righteous vegans. I wouldn't even call myself a vegan. I wouldn't write a single facebook status about it. 

But then...

There is something that happens when you become a vegan. You can fight it all you want, but suddenly you feel superior. You are suddenly rambling off statistics about cancer. You believe every conspiracy theory regarding the dairy industry and the government. You've never used the word "casein" in your life, but suddenly it's the topic of every conversation. And you can feel every one around you hating you, but you don't care. Because you are going to live to be 1,000 and they are going to die of heart disease at 34. 

So I succumbed to the pretension that comes with the territory. But then sometimes this happens...

   

Dog Farts

I have had three days off in a row, and I can't say I spent any of them with any purpose. I would like to tell you that I made a "totes adorbs" retro apron. Or perhaps had tea with a supermodel friend in thrifted teacups. Or tromped through the woods with my vintage camera. But THIS is what I really did.

Something about the obvious green screen and terrible costume design just keeps you coming back for more. If it weren't for my fake cousin's post-wedding reception I am attending I would never have escaped.

So here it is, 5pm and I am pretty much JUST starting my day. Took a shower and getting ready. And my whole house smells like DOG FARTS.

The Anti-Blog Blog

I have no idea what I'm doing. I work at a grocery store, and full-time blogging seems ridiculous to me. Probably just because I am jealous that I can't be pretend employed too. 

I woke up so hopeful and full of possibilities.

It was very disappointing. If instagram taught me anything, it was that all you need is a cute coffee mug full of caffeine to be a successful blogger. BUT IT WASN'T WORKING.

By this point, I was really losing my fucking mind. I had watched a million useless youtube videos. Read and reread photoshop help queries (should be called 'Photoshop DUMB BUTT') and none of them made sense. I was starting to feel like the computer was taunting me. It knew I was weak and weary. 

I was losing faith in myself...

But then I said "NO! YOU AREN'T SMARTER THAN ME COMPUTER!" But it was. 

I couldn't let this thing belittle me any longer. I had been sitting at the computer for HOURS. My back hurt, I was cooking up an odor from sitting in one place all day and not showering, and there was a film growing on my teeth from not brushing. I had given this shitty blog my life (or my whole day). And then finally...